A Letter To 16 Year Old Me

I recently saw a blog post on pinterest (that I won't link up to, because I didn't like the message of the blog) but it mentioned a trend of writing a letter to your sixteen year old self.  As I thought over what I would say if I were to write one, I was struck by how great my life had turned out and all that I have to be thankful for.  That made me want to share it. So, here's my letter.



how I was hoping my life would turn out

Dear Dana,

    First of all, STOP THINKING ABOUT BOYS SO MUCH.  You will meet one, he will be wonderful.  He will not come from your hometown. You will be grateful for this. Just relax and enjoy your life.  This is right around the time that we really found our true friends, the ones we stick with.  Have fun with them, don't argue about guys or clothes or anything like that.  Just be grateful that we found the ones that will always have our backs, and keep making a lot of memories.  And when you get to college, pay attention. Take it seriously. Please.

enjoy this

   Growing up is hard sometimes, and all those insecurities that we obsess over haven't gone away.   Sometimes I still feel like an invisible girl to 95% of the population. I still worry that I'm not very pretty and that I'm not very important to the people that are important to me.  Thirteen years later, and a lot of the time I feel very much the same as I did then. The good news is that I've learned to see it with perspective and to understand that sometimes, I'm just wrong.  Maybe in another thirteen years we'll have mastered that.  Maybe it will be something that we always struggle with.  But I can understand now that everyone has their issues they struggle with, even if we don't see them.  And the
people who are most important to us, really do love us. Through and through.

   The best part is that there are four
people that our whole world will revolve around, and you haven't even dreamt of their existence yet!  In all our teen-idol worshipping and ex-boyfriend obsessing, we never dreamt up someone who would be as perfect for us as Clayton is.  He is laid-back and easy-going, totally devoted to our family, and (one of the most important things) he makes us laugh. A lot. Staying up late talking and laughing with him is better than you could ever imagine love being.  Just be patient, and go to college. He'll be there pretty quickly after that.  And the other three people? Well, I know that you love kids in the abstract form, but it hasn't prepared you for the love that you'll feel for the three little ones that are currently snuggled into their beds. They are the greatest things we've ever done, and we spend our days trying to be a good mom and our nights worried that we're not one.  But they are fantastic kids and we are so lucky to have the opportunity to raise them.



more of this, please.

  On that note, go hug your mom and dad.  Seriously.  I know you're all angst-y right now, but you don't begin to understand how much they love you.  And how much you love them.  I've seen a lot of parents over the years that have made me realize how much of a brat I am, and how fabulous they are.  Stop making their lives difficult!  Take notes, because this parenting thing is hard, and they nailed it.  And as for our siblings, hug them, too.  I know things are fine with them most of the time, but make it better than fine.  Make their childhood special.  They are our best friends now, and we won't have as much time with one of them as we assumed we would.  Go and hug her and kiss her and tell her how great she is and how we'll always love her.  Then do it again. Do it everyday you can. It's the only thing I'd really change if I could.
. 
-Dana   


how it actually turned out (I'm resigned to that fact...)

P.S. Give up the Lance thing. Trust me on this.  

Because being a parent is hard enough

I've been noticing a trend lately. Maybe it's not a new trend, I've just really noticed lately.  I feel like there's a whole lot of judgment on everything a parent does or everyway a child acts. Everyone has an opinion for how much tv a child should be allowed to watch and what they should eat and everything else that moms have to contend with everyday. 

We have a lot to deal with when we run a home.  Between work, studying for spelling tests, making dinner, cleaning the house, doing laundry, and everything else it takes to just make it through one day, our lives are hard enough.  And we need all the support we can get.  That support should come from each other. 

Want to know the truth? Sometimes my kids watch tv. For hours maybe.  Sometimes it's an few animal shows we watch as a family, sometimes it's cartoons when they wake up at the crack of dawn on Saturday mornings. I think that's ok.  If you don't, then by all means, have different rules in your family. We need to let go of the idea that doing things differently equals thinking everyone else does it wrong. We think the way we do it is best, (which makes sense, that's why we do it that way) and assume anyone who doesn't is judging our parenting skills. So sometimes we lash out. 

I think we need to reverse this! Let's turn it around!! Other moms should be our first defenders, not our first critics.  Let's give each other the benefit of the doubt.  No one knows what it's like in anyone else's home.  That kid that you think shouldn't have a pacifier at her age? You have no idea if the last six months of her life have been unsettled and difficult.  The one who throws himself in the floor of the grocery store may be autistic and having trouble dealing with all the stimuli around him.  The mom sitting on the park bench playing on her phone while her kids run just may be doing it all alone and need a few minutes break to keep her sanity.  We don't know. What we do know is how hard it is.  We all know the feeling of having no idea how to handle a situation.  We know how it feels to yell and then feel awful. We know how it feels to be overwhelmed by something that seems like no big deal to other people.  We know how tired we are at the end of some nights, when we are still folding laundry and checking homework with dishes in the sink long after everyone else is in bed.  We also know what it feels like to love these little humans with our whole heart, and to worry that the world is not being fair or kind to them.

So here's my new motto: I have your back.  All of you.  You won't see any judgmental posts on facebook from me. I will not roll my eyes when I see a child having a meltdown in a restaurant.  I will always assume that other moms are doing their best, just like I want everyone to think about me.  We all make mistakes, including our kids.   Enough of the sweeping judgments about "kids today".  People have been fussing about how "kids today" will function as adults since our grandparents were kids.  They handled it fine.  We are handling it fine (really, I promise!). Our kids will handle it fine.  Let's just do our best and assume that other parents are, too.  That's my new plan.  What do you guys think?

-Dana